Sensitive medical documentation has been leaked, perhaps by Santa’s own personal physician, Dr. Nick Kringle, that the jolly old elf—Santa himself—suffers from gynecomastia—AKA moobs, manboobs, and other less-than-complimentary terms.

Perhaps it’s time to have a frank discussion about gynecomastia, as we suspect the leak is true! Santa is known to be fond of cookies and milk, leading to obesity (sorry, but it’s true), so we’re pretty certain he has gynecomastia, as most obese men have it. Although we aren’t sure Santa would be interested in eliminating his man-boobs or—the more proper description—enlarged breast tissue, we do know that lots of men in Michigan suffer the embarrassment of gynecomastia. Since there’s only one Santa, we can safely assume that the other men with enlarged breasts (A) aren’t Santa and (B) might like to know what can be done to safely and effectively treat this concern.